This morning a man wolf whistled at me. He used his phone. He literally whipped out his thing and pointed it at me; and the phone whistled! Then he put it away and watched my expression. I did what any sane woman in the Post Office on a Wednesday morning would do – I ignored him.
Never mind that I attract older weirdoes, let’s focus on the phone for a moment. That’s a new one that I must say I have never before witnessed. Instead of saying something, following me out to my car, or just generally trying to make eye contact and share a ‘moment’, he was so bold as to whip out his technological device and whistle at me. In public! In front of a postal worker and several patrons no less!
I heard him speak to someone there, so I know he had a voice box and a tongue with which to form a “Hello, Gorgeous!” or something equally as baleful. Ok, so maybe he wouldn’t just say “nice knockers” or “how about some coffee – in bed?”
But then again maybe he would have if he weren’t so busy trying to impress me with a phone. Do I look like I could be so easily impressed? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says, “Please, all Weirdoes, try to impress me with whatever is in your pants!”
Dear God! Maybe I do! Maybe I have sunk so far; let myself go that much. Did he even LOOK at me? My saddlebags are better than the leather version! I could hold a week’s worth of water in the hump on my back. My hair hasn’t seen the stylist in 8 months, I slapped on some eye shadow to hide the graveyard tan I am working on, and I was wearing a jacket I stole from my mother! Is this village really so small that I am considered a high caliber gal?
I want to go back to that Post Office, find that man, and whip out my own phone. Look! I have my own! I want to know why he thinks it will impress me so much. I want to know what school of romance and social education did he go to that taught him whistling at a woman – by phone or otherwise – is acceptable today. I want to know that he looked at the same person I saw in the mirror this morning.
I wonder if I can get the whistle installed on my phone.
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