Blondecisions

Planetary PMS

Someone just told me:
"Mercury is retrograde for the next 3 weeks. It means communications and contracts will be delayed or confused so take it slow and easy in those areas."

And I thought it was just PMS.

Tail Tuck - and update

Poor kitty Tucker! Does it ever end? We're struggling to catch up and ends up we'll need money for a whopping vet bill, I'm sure!

My six-year-old accidentally shut the cat's tail in the storm door this morning and it sliced him wide open to the bone. He's at the vets right now and they'll shave it, x-ray it and make the decision whether to just treat it with stitches and meds or actually take 5 inches off his tail.

Poor kitty! And poor A.!! He was scared to death because he didn't realize what was happening, daddy was yelling, the cat was screaming and scratching, and he couldn't get the door open to let his tail loose.

He cried and cried and sat on his bed. We told him it was ok, laughing and things. Poor kid-o!

Despite this big gaping wound, the cat was busy purring and chowing down like a monster on his food. He's going to be ok... our wallet isn't! But he gave me the cutest little look before we left him. He was happy and oblivious.

***UPDATE***

Tucker's home now! It was a tendon and not the bone we saw and he's been stitched up and medicated. No amputation necessary.

His tail is wrapped and he's PISSED that I won't let him outside. Wait until he hears he won't be outside for TEN days! I don't think that's going to last. One of the kids is bound to let him out somewhere along the way.

Grand total for our beloved cat (that I am allergic to): $306.00.

Yup. I really said that. Shall I take it out of A's allowance?

Kidman's Frigidity

Nicole Kidman seems really... frigid now, doesn't she? Back in the Days of Thunder time she seemed so sweet and innocent and warm. Now she has these crazy eyes and a frigid look about her. She's not aging all that gracefully either, though she's now stick thin.

Perhaps she's just HUNGRY.

But then again, I blame Tom Cruise.

Maybe if she had a big meal and a roll in the hay with a big guy she'd lose the crazy look. No more pipsqueaks -- what is with the short leading men, anyway?

Get Well Boob Job Cookies

Today's favorite search that resulted in a hit for my blog: Get Well Boob Job Cookies

Right on!

I Found the Playboys

I found my husband's old playboys and had a gander. Not that they were missing or hidden; I just forgot I left them in a box on the shelf in my room. I really do love to read (laugh at) the magazine. My father is one of the only men I know who really does get the magazine for the reading material. I imagine for other things to, but I won't be the one asking him.

I was surprised to see so many UGLY, unflattering photos though. They pay some of these women hundreds of thousands to millions to be in there and they can't afford a good photographer?

I guess the ones where the legs are splayed out and fingers holding the crotch open so we can get a clear shot of the birth canal will never be flattering. But all of the others where they're actually doing artsy poses... I was ashamed for Playboy. The poses were ugly and unflattering. The lighting and other elements were just gorgeous, but I thought there must be hundreds of photos to choose from after one shoot and THIS is what they chose?

Perhaps it's not the photographer, but the person choosing the spread (get it? the SPREAD, and I ain't talking peanut butter) that needs to get the boot. Buh bye. It better not be a woman - I'd be ashamed of her.

My Life is No Longer Meaningless or Pathetic

Men compete to be sperm donor in new reality show

.... male contestants vie to be the sperm donor of a woman who wants to get pregnant. The woman will narrow the men to two — one who has the best genes for a baby and the other who she wants to have sex with.

Bwahahahahaaaahahahhhhhhhhaaaaa hahha

And who will pay the child support? And who will she choose? Sex or genee, genes or sex?

Bun in the Oven.. or 2 or 3 or 6

Our bunnies, who are supposed to be the same sex, are getting it on. I have them scheduled to be fixed, but it looks like I am too late. One looks to now be a girl and one a boy - who knew?! We're buying a bigger cage next week (or this week) and will have to separate them because Uma is getting mean to Plumber and we'll need to let her have time alone with her babies so he won't hurt them. He's going in next week to lose his.. um.. parts.

WE actually called them a he and a she. Uma was the "girl" and Plumber was the "boy" - so we goofed.

I REALLY didn't want more buns! We definitely cannot keep that many. The pellets are cheap, but the hay is more expensive and we don't have the space. I remember my dad selling bales of hay for $1 a piece, but I have to buy a small bag for over $3. They'd all have to be fixed at $125 a pop too. All the boys, that is as our vets won't do girls - I have no idea why. Must be because of the surgery and how easy it is.

As it is today their quality of life SUCKS. Uma hit puberty and is TERRIBLE. He lunges at my hand and scratches me, he's mean to her - constantly biting, grunting and trying to mount her at night while she cries and runs in circles to get away. Reminds me of my ex husband.

Anywhoo... their life sucks because Uma is spraying pee so much I had to line a big TV box with plastic and put their cage in there. He literally peed on me the other day and then I was sitting at my desk when the stuff flew at me and smacked down on my shelf and papers from FOUR FEET away from the bunnies!! There's yellow urine and something white. Ahem. I had to rinse down the wals around them, the window shade, floor, etc every day and it was really getting disgusting. It's SO MUCH! It HAS to stop when he gets fixed or he'll be slinging a suitcase on his back and leaving town... even if I pay for his surgery. These buns are meant to be housepets and are almost 100% litter trained.

I think, as it is, we may need to go down to just one anyway. His personality better change with the surgery too, or else he'll be the one getting the boot. I just don't know yet where he'll go! I know the family we got them from had one litter where our buns came from and on the day we picked our buns up, they'd found another litter. Even though they'd separated the mom and dad by then, he'd mounted the mom immediately after she gave birth before they found the first litter. They too had thought both were the same sex. LOL

Yummy!

I was Freecycling many items this week and I just had a guy show up for my husband's flannels, jeans and work pants and YUMMY! He was cute. Not my type.. but maybe made me feel nostalgic. He had the same kind of look and hairdo that "nice boys" had in the 80s. I think it reminded me of school days and crushes on blonde cuties like him.

I even got a nice view of his butt and decided my husband's is much more yummy. But I'll take the rest - in a to-go bag :)

*Snort*

I shall seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy... beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when i'm finished with you.
You will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu

So I'm an Easy Target - so what of it?

The carbon monoxide tester was beeping to tell us the battery was low, but I was worried it was going off because of carbon monoxide levels. My husband just laughed at me and said:

"If the alarm was going off it would be beeping REALLY LOUDLY like BBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP!!!!! BEEEEP! GET OUT. NO, GET OUT NOW!!!!"

Then in a really meek, geeky, quiet voice he told me the alarm wouldn't be beeping like, "Um...beep? Um... excuse me? Beep? Um excuse me, there's poison in the air. Um.. you're going to die.... um beep? Excuse me? You better get out of the house. Beep beep?"

I wish you could have heard him... it was hilarious. So hilarious I was cackling!