Blondecisions

Baby Fever: will it win?

I'm fighting this baby fever I've had on and off for a few years and it's winning.

One moment I feel I should let the hubster get a vasectomy and be happy with what we have. We've reached a great point in our lives where we have no diaper bags, no babies. The boys are 5, 8 and 11 and we have a lot of fun going to sports games and hiking, etc...

But the next moment I want one last baby.....for reasons that are important to me and that my hubby cannot argue with. And he admits he kind of wishes we had one more. But he cannot get over thinking it would be really bad for us. I completely understand his reasoning. I just cannot seem to end it there though. So we're actually talking about this seriously now.

I think the boys would be really helpful at their ages and they love babies and toddlers. They're really good with the babies and toddlers around here. Of course adding yet another sibling when we already have a big family isn't completely ideal. We're worried about the space in the house and the busy-ness and chaos.

The hubby is worried that I will have a hard time with the pregnancy (mine are usually hard, but I'd never tried things I use now to combat fibromyalgia like acupuncture). He's also worried about our stress and his being an absent father and being a stranger to the baby. He travels every week around the US and one of the guys he works with told him he's a stranger to his 10-month-old daughter.

I want a baby I actually plan. I want a natural birth with a practitioner who respects me and whom I like. I want a long-term successful breastfeeding relationship now that I am home full time and won't be tortured by pumping (or not) at work and working on no sleep. I want to ENJOY the baby this time. Having Jack was amazing after two stressful births and childhoods for the older boys. Now that I am home full time it will be even better.

Hubby says we will go back to square one and will have to put life on hold another 5 years. He's nearly three years past the age he wanted to be when he had a last child. He wants us to move on to the next stage and enjoy life. He's worried about my health and happiness. We're both worried about money in the long term and buying a house.

We both agree we wouldn't buy a ton of unecessary stuff for the baby - I'm a pretty veteran mom at this point and know what's frivolous. We both agree a more natural birth where we're in control is better. We both agree that we would wait until the baby is born to see what it is (we don't want to know).

The hubster is really dragging his feet and not getting into the subject much. I am on a rollercoaster of emotion and keep trying to choose. I have moments of clarity and want the vasectomy but they're usually short and ouutweighed by wanting a baby. It's silly and I should just stop and enjoy what I have and move on.

Ok, I just keep repeating myself - enough already! *sigh*

A little birdie told me...and I went straight to the looney bin

A new daily addition to my life is beginning to drive me mad! We have a pair of Western Scrub Jays in the neighbor's trees behind our back yard and they're seriously decreasing my life span. I'm losing shelf life every morning.

They sit in the trees and on the fence shrieking loudly for hours at my cat or anything else that might be in their view. The only reprieve is when my cat is inside for the night (rarely). But often he's yowling so loudly to go out, we stumble to the door and curse him on his way through. Or he's already out for that night and this is when the real fun begins. Outside the bedroom window by 4am, the Scrub Jays start screaming. Over and over and over. Every 1-2 seconds a shriek, sometimes faster.

Scrub Jays are known as the "forest sentinel." Go figure. They like to hurt other birds and they eat eggs and baby birds when they feel like a new cuisine. They swoop at my cat's head and neither they nor the cat are backing down. A consumate hunter he's killed everything from moles to rabbits and a bird or twenty. He would drag home a deer if he could.

I keep devising plans for their downfall. The birds have got to go. I don't know if the neighbors know that it's my cat that's upsetting the pair so much, but since the cat has to stay (my hubby is rather fond of him) then the birds need to fly.

What's worse is my son's incessant need to discuss the birds. I like birds and I love my son, but this combination is driving me crazy.

One night of domestic bliss

Last night I felt so peaceful and content and realized it was the first night since moving here nearly 8 weeks ago that my husband was not only home, but we were quietly enjoying separate activities. We weren't rabbid to be together because we'd been so far apart every week and only had two days to catch up. We didn't have friends or family over. The boys were in bed. He was dinking around the garage happily and I was shredding papers in the kitchen and watching my kind of television.

This is what marriages are made of sometimes I think. Peaceful coexistence and happiness being who you are and where you are. I was thinking of him out there and trying to decide on cleaning out my car. He was out there whistling and doing what men do in garages and thinking about how nice it would be to have me to talk to.

Finally we met up, cleaned the car and a few other things, listened to obnoxious tunes together and just had some fun before bed. That is, after my shredding was done.

One of the things I love about California is the sheer amount of crap you can recycle. New York is very limited. And I realized a paper shredder would make me able to recycle more as well as feel better about my personal address and info going out to the great unknown. So before buying a couch or even an end table, I bought a paper shredder.

Yesterday alone I overheated the sucker three times as I cleaned out a couple of file boxes we'd brought with us. The kick I got on clearing house before we left hasn't left my system. I love being tidy and organized and having less stuff.

My husband thinks I am obsessed with the shredder (I think he called it a sordid affair), but it's really with the prospect of more uncluttering. There's this insane (and fairly obscene) natural high I get from cleaning and organizing. I'm obsessed with seeing my walls and floors and not having a thousand places where dust and dirt collect.

I told the hubby I want to check Ikea one more time for an enclosed entertainment unit for the living room before I decide on a really cute set of shelves and media center we found at World Market. I want to not have dust (that we're HIGHLY allergic to) all over my books and CDs.

But he is all for the World Market set and thinks we could just dut the shelves every week or two. WE could dust the shelves. P'SHAW! Like WE could sweep the house, do the dishes and laundry, take the kids to and from school, water the flowers, wash the floors, cook, clean the cat box, shop and clean the bathrooms. Hubby is too far away most of the time, so the dust(ing) literally falls on my shoulders.

I don't hold it against him, I just need him to be realistic. Though I MUST give it to him (and have!) for being much more helpful and clean when he is home. He's really trying now to help keep things picked up more so I don't have so much of a mess on my hands. And the boys are usually pretty easy to enlist for odd jobs because we're teaching them responsibility and teamwork. Whew...

Anyway, tonight seems like another nice candidate for a quiet evening. A friend of hubby's may be coming over but he's so cute and fun when he's had a few beers and quiet before and after that, so he's no problem. When he's drunk he tells me how much my hubby loves me, so that's always nice to have around ;-)

The kids are up for at least one more hour, so I'm off like a prom dress, Dudes.

I like walking outside

It's like night and day in some regards here in California (remember I moved from NY around the first of April). I was taken aback when we first saw the house because the washer and dryer were in the garage. Outside. Several feet away from the front door. Why would someone do that, I wondered. Insanity!

But I've loved it from day one. Despite the juggling heavy baskets and doors to house and garage, I have enjoyed my laundry "area" being outside. I don't necessarily like the smell of the garage, the haphazard way my clothesline hangs over our car hoods, or the fact that the front of my minivan sits hot, grimy and bug riddled mere inches from the open dryer; I still love it.

I have more reasons to step outside than ever here, and laundry is just one of them. I make several trips to the garage every day and try to bring the folded laundry in small armloads, increasing my trips on purpose. I take bags of recyclables and garbage outside most every day and individually. I take things to the garage regularly that just aren't finding a place in the house. I've lost 4 pounds already just increasing my activity.

Didn't I ever go out in New York? Yes, often enough. People seem to look for reasons to go outside in California, while people looked for reasons to stay inside in New York. It's easy to stay in and be contained inside one building in New York. Whether the weather is terrible or you can't stand the neighborhood, you don't always make an effort to step outside.

Moving Update

We're somewhat packed and down to 2.5 weeks. I'm having trouble finding things we can pack and live without so I guess I've done pretty well.

I've given away hundreds of things and still finding a few stragglers. Trying to balance the last of the things we'll give away with our move out date. I CAN'T sleep without a bed, you know?

I have been trying to sell off a few pieces and we're trying to get it done quickly but not leave us without things we need too. Like couches, tables, chairs, etc...

31 boxes have been shipped so far (from small to large) and I don't want to count ($$$) the huge boxes we have left to ship. I've already spent $500 on shipping and probably have at least $400 to go. Still cheaper and less problematic than taking a truck.

The worst part is the pile of things we have left to pack into the car and van. OH MY GOD. I have NO idea how we will find room for everything. The pile just keeps getting bigger - from computer equipment to my vacuum, clothes, tool boxes, photo albums we'd hate to ship, etc... We may end up shipping some things last minute and just hoping nothing gets lost or broken.

Even my husband gave up 2 of his 4 beloved guitars because we just couldn't find room for 4 in the van with everything else that's a must keep.

So that's where I am. Just 2.5 weeks from leaving my native

New York

and becoming a Californian. We've met a lot of people in complete awe of this move but it seems so natural for me to just go. It was my idea and I cannot WAIT!

Of course, many of those people have an idea that all Californians are weirdo-s, so they balk at us actually WANTING to go there!

Vegan Lunch Box

This is amazing!

Once we get to Cali I am going to give some of these a try for lunches and dinners. I'm inspired again - My poor kids were getting the shaft with lunches lately.

-----Original Message-----
This website is great for vegetarian, vegan, flexitarians and

omnivores.  www.veganlunchbox.blogspot.com.  Every day, a mom in

Washington States takes a picture of her first grader's packed lunch. 

She adds witty commentary, recipes, and her son's "verdict".  She is

incredibly imaginative.

Moving Musing

How crazy is all of this moving stuff?

First we thought we would rent a truck. Then maybe 2 pull behind trailers. Then just one. Now none! It’s going to cost us $325 plus tax, costs for the extra weight and wind resistance on the car, the slower speed of travel possibly costing us another hotel, and the trailer hitch installed onto the car. All told around $500-$700 for one 4x8 uHaul trailer. With the trailer we might take the risk of killing our transmission somewhere during the 4 day/3,000 mile travel. Yikes! $2,000. Also as it is, we might be forced to get two hotel rooms on each stop because 2 parents and 3 kids exceed hotels’ limits.

So last night we decided it wasn’t worth the money and the risk. We’re going to ship our stuff to California and go with just a packed Huyundai Elantra (very small, unfortunately) and Grand Caravan. If we spend less than $500 shipping, then we are saving money. Any suggestions as to which way to ship is cheapest and/or best, please let me know! (USPS, FedEx, Dahl, USPS?)

My goal is to get us down to practically nothing! I have done a ton already. We’ve Freecycled (http://www.freecycle.org) hundreds of items and have little left. We have sold or are selling a few items. Some things like all of our kitchenware is going to an adolescent home before we leave.

I’ve taken down all of my picture frames and given them away. The photos are going to be safely tucked in a box for the trip along with a few other special items I do not want to chance losing in the mail. The rest of our stuff will be shipped – what there is of it! We are lucky Media Mail by USPS is cheap compared to what it weighs so we’ll send our must have CDs, DVDs, and books that way.

I thought I would be at least somewhat heartbroken to give away so much, but I am ecstatic! It’s like a whole renovation inside and out. Freedom! I’m practically giddy. We’re just watching everything sort of take flight and we feel good about it. As a second agenda, we need to get rid of anything that leaves clutter out to collect dust. I’m allergic, 1-2 of my kids are, and we found out last fall my husband is REALLY allergic to dust and dust mites. So our new goal is to have everything in it’s place inside closed drawers and shelves. So all of my office paper stackers, living room shelves, etc are all gone.

What’s more, the house looks fabulous aside from the hot spots of piled boxes and stuff. It’s never been so decluttered. I love all the space and being able to see where floors connect to walls because furniture and STUFF are gone. I want to keep it simple in the new place too.

Interestingly we were also in the paper today. My kids got two photos in the paper, so they’re in heaven. The guy writing a story on Freecycle thought ours was a good one, so he used us as the main family in the story. Were I not a writer, I would find that more amazing, but instead it just seems like another day like any other – but hey, the kids are SO happy, it was worth it.

So after 3.5 hours of work on the house this morning, and then a 2-hour-break, I am looking around at what we still have, ready to dig in and get more done. Every time I go through a box I went through before I find more that I can part with. Christmas went from 6 huge totes down to one box. Halloween is completely gone except for a couple of particular items. The bathroom closet has never been so empty. The boys are down to essential toys only. Office supplies went from 2 medium sized boxes down to one small box. Anything that can be replaced is on its way out the door.

In all this fervor I am going to go get my hair cut again, get a new pair of sneakers, get back to Curves, and enjoy my 25 pound weight loss. I even ditched a thumb ring I’d had for something like 8 years! My husband noticed and I told him, “It’s all a part of the ongoing revitalization of Gina project.”

Gina Bina

Reflecting on the Moving Process Again

As many of you know, we're moving 3,000 miles from NY to California this year. We decided to do so on a strict budget using a 4x8 pull behind. We're crazy!!!

But I am so incredibly happy that I am working so hard on getting rid of everything and taking note of what we are able to live without.

If we were not moving on such a tight budget and space, I would be still holding onto things. I have stationery and office/desk supplies from 15 years ago that never ever get used. I have moved with them EIGHT times in 11 years.

I'm getting rid of boxes of books. I'm paring down on clothes we don't wear, Years of coats we don't need, decorations we don't use, kitchen stuff we could live without, etc..

I cannot TELL you what all this clean space is doing for us! Not only is it healthier (we're BOTH allergic to dust!!) and easier to clean, but it just feels so good mentally.

No matter what though we just seem to still have SO MUCH.

We've sold hundreds of books, hundreds of dollars of items on eBay. We've gien away cart loads to Freecyclers and Goodwill. We've had nearly twice the amount of trash almost every week for 2 months. I have a trunk of stuff to go to consignment.

And yet somehow I STILL have so much. Believe me, we don't have a lot of great things. Most everything needs replacing. But with 5 of us, 3 floors and a basement, and two offices, there's a lot of STUFF.

I still have nearly 300 books to sell or donate and an office full of stuff to get rid of. I've already weaned myself down to at least HALF of what I had of office stuff, but it still looks like a daunting task!

Yet I look into that clean corner or organized closet and feel so much better too.

Family Coffee Habits

I'm in trouble with my dear husband, who says even HE was allowed to drink coffee on camping trips but who isn't so sure he likes our kids drinking coffee.

I recently gave up my soda habit (and lost 7 pounds so far from JUST that!) and took on a coffee habit. Funny because as a writer I've always wanted to get up in the morning, make a cup of coffee and write in my warm jammies. How cliche!

I stir in vanilla or chocolate soy milk as a creamer and am good to go! I even got a coffee maker for Christmas that makes just one mug at a time so I always have fresh brewed. It came with a scooper, so I use about 3/4 of a scoop for a mug and hubby says it's just enough to make the water dirty :) since he uses about 2 or 3 scoops for one cup. Ewww...

I drink mostly Green Mountain flavored coffee, though I am not picky to brand as long as it's good. I go through phases during the month of which kinds I love, but usually they're based around a nut or chocolate.

In my freezer right now I have more than the following:

Chocolate Espresso
Mocha Nut
Caramel Vanilla Latte
Southern Pecan
Hazelnut Cream
Gingerbread (no so good)
(Neuman's) Nell's Breakfast Blend
A bunch of medium and bold coffees that smell like nicotine from Starbucks for hubby's once a year coffee binge. eeewwwww

Well somehow my kids got ahold of these coffees little by little. We're in the car and they're DYING of thirst and all I have left is some lukewarm coffee. Well once they tried it, they fell in love.

They only get an occasional sip, but every time they do when hubby's around he smiles and comments. The smile is just a mask - I know he's not pleased.

With my 7 pounds of weight loss of proof in hand, I am happy to give them a sip here or there and get them hooked on my watery, flavored coffee over soda ANY time.

You Know You're a Mother When...

You know you’re a mother when you stir your coffee with an old peanut butter and jelly knife, and you just don’t care. You fortify your coffee with chocolate soymilk and Milk Duds for good measure anyway and you’re no longer disgusted by the conflicting tastes of anything else tossed in there. In fact, your life is just that tedious sometimes that you look forward to slurping up soaked crumbs and searching for the hint of PB&J in the coffee that’s gone cold while you got your kids ready for the day.

I wonder just how old I should let my coffee get if it's got milk in it. I mean, is it gross if at the end of the day I haven't emptied the mug in 12 hours but have just been adding more coffee and milk on top? Does the fact that it's soymilk make any difference, or am I still just THAT disgusting?