Blondecisions

Drowning in hope

I just got done with a progress report and conference at school. I am feeling a bit lost in all the hope I have for my 11-year-old.

My very smart, very sweet little boy's life has been turned upside down for the past four years. He's been dianosed bipolar for about two years and this spring he was classified and placed in Special Education. He doesn't "process" well in academics and can't process stress like most people either.

He takes Lithium which can be one of the causes of his not processing well academically. No, we cannot change the med or lower it or mess with it in any way.

Anywhoo, he's now processing a bit better this fall. His self esteem is up. He's generally happy and trying to be responsible. He's able to do most of the work... but not producing enough of it. He's SO SLOW, he's not turning completed things in. His inner clock runs like a snail.

I know that every six months or so this little boy changes in some way that's large enough we have to change and adapt to it. So things will not always be the same. I hope that the fact that he IS finally processing better means he will also someday process faster again. I'm so full of hope that I'm drowning because the hope also depresses me.

How could he possibly keep a job or get through college or trade school when he goes so slow? How will he become a "productive member of society" if he goes the pace of a snail?

I cannot think of one thing he can do that would be okay for him to move so slowly (except work behind the counter at the Post Office. Okay, that wasn't appropriat, but it was funny!) and not come with a lot of stress. He's not an artist, most likely not a writer.

Dude, if only he were flexible and liked leotards I'd get him into yoga. A yoga teacher can be slow :-)

Thanks for letting me vent - I feel better already!

Magic in unexpected places

I bid on and won a special rock with “No Fear” engraved on it for my 10 year old. He had told me last week he remembers when I kissed something and placed it in his pocket to touch during the day. He’s been having some trouble at school, so I need to do whatever I can. He is not a homeschool candidate (read: I wouldn’t be able to get him to do the work), so I have to be sure he’s ok at public school.

When I sent Paypal, I left a comment that this was for my son who needed a little courage in the world.

The man and wife who received the payment refunded it saying magic is given, not bought. I thought they were being mean! Then I found a letter from them that said the man remembered being a young boy who had a hard time making his way in the world. His mother had given him a magic rock that carried him through many days. He thanked me for being a good mother and loving my son so much. They’re sending this rock for free.

It was very sweet. Of all the stones and rocks I looked at, and the timing of which I looked, I found this auction from these special people and won over the original bidder. That’s magic J 

Bipolar Kids and Learning Disabilities

Lately we've been going several rounds in the fight to classify my son. We've been questioning whether I should get my 10-year old bipolar diagnosed son tested for learning disabilities. I wanted to follow up on what I know so far. I wanted you to know in case someone here also has a child with a diagnosis who ends up having trouble academically.

Apparently an otherwise intelligent child may suffer actual learning disabilities caused by a mental/emotional illness and medication. No one knows which it is in our case, and we cannot mess with his meds to find out. It wouldn’t help anyway, since he must have those nasty meds L and he had finally stabilized.

We’re in the process of trying to get him tested immediately (but immediately to them means…?) as he’s beginning to fail 5^th grade. He’s frustrated and our quality of life at home has gone to nothing. I could just kick myself for forcing him to do this homework, thinking he was unmotivated. We’re stuck doing 1.5 to 3 hours of homework in the evenings and we’ve all completely HAD it with the whole thing.

Last night after speaking with two counselors and my husband, we called it quits to forcing homework until they get the testing done. There’s SO much pressure from all sides to keep his academics up and to not place him in Special Ed. Because he won’t get good schooling and we’ll be robbing him of his chance at a future, but it’s been to the detriment of his health and our family. No one seems to understand what we go through at night here and just want the homework done and the test grades up.

I finally spoke with the child psychiatrist today and she’s angry with us and the school for keeping him in a high stress situation since September. She is absolutely sure they will find problems during testing and he should be in a specialized classroom. She says if we keep pushing him and the school isn’t meeting his needs, he will de-stabilize again. He’s afraid to go back to the hospital and he has told me he’s been feeling very angry and hyper.

I can blame the pressure from the teacher and my husband all I want, but it was ME who was pushing him to get it done against my better judgment. Luckily my husband also sees this was the wrong thing to do and he’s backed off as well. We didn’t understand what was going on when he was able to do it sometimes but not others. Now we know it’s because he is intelligent still, but it’s being masked by his bipolar disorder and/or his meds.

I’m confident if we can get him through school sane and happy, he will be ok in the adult world. He could be self employed, go to vocational school, and go to college. I no longer feel I am robbing him of an education if it’s going to get him through school alive and well.

Summer's Here....Oh joy

I need something to use during the summer to keep my 10 year old son's math skills up for school. He's a bit behind and/or may get further behind. He's moving into 5th grade. Unfortunately I have ZERO budget.

I may just use what's in his math book from this year to work with him. Or rather, to have my husband work with him. I can do the language and reading, but math is over my head, even at his level.

I'm failing miserably at homeschooling him - even during the summer! I could never take that step to bring him home.

The bipolar disorder and several side disorders that could be diagnosed like ADD or ADHD affects his behavior, thought process, emotions, and ability to concentrate.

He needs to work on his sentence structure, paragraphs, and reading, as well as math. Unfortunately he sits there crying and rubbing his head in frustration. He can't seem to get started and stay on task for any length of time. He will be inappropriately silly or frustrated or just sit and growl at me.

I sit there and work with him as much as I can. I ask him every day to journal a story or a real life event, and never require it to be complex. I just asked yesterday that he write about what it's like outside when it's so hot he cannot play. I prompted him in 20 different ways it seems and posed my questions over and over in different ways to try and spark his journaling. I gave him the first sentence after a while. Then the second. I couldn't get him on task at all.

It's been this way each day and I'm at my wit's end. We're only a few days into summer vacation. It's scary enough that I have 11 full weeks to fill for three kids, one of which is bipolar and one is quite possibly ADHD.

I signed up for this being a mom, and I am handling it well enough. I love my kids to no end and like time with them, but I tell ya, the summers could be the death of me yet.

Another One Bites the Dust?

We're going to have my son evaluated for ADD sometime between now and the new school year. He's almost 7 years old and heading into second grade.

Something just doesn't seem right. He seems to fit the ADD model now hat I've looked, but the weird part is, it's like he's stomped on the ADD accelerator.

He was always getting in trouble for being too social at school, but now he's having some behavior problems, sometimes inappropriate (like too silly) in public, completely scatter brained, a little excitable, a little hyper, and he's having trouble listening and following directions. He can't seem to hold eye contact any more, he's prone to crying and outburts now. He's even starting to be rude to kids he plays soccer against. He says something's wrong with his brain - "Mom, I can't remember anything anymore."

He's super intelligent, and he can whip through his homework (you know, a whole page of it in first grade), but he can't listen to directions or complete instructions. He can tell you what happened in a lengthy story for all Harry Potter books, but he can't tell me what I said 10 seconds ago. 

We thought that he was reacting to stress at home as my oldest child is bipolar. My eldest also has ADD but it's like a side symptom of bp disorder in kids. He carries several diagnoses.

My god - I am scared to death. My son is nearly seven and his brother began really showing some problems at this age, had his first hospitalization at 8, and is now almost 10.

I'm scared that our family won't make it through two children with bipolar disorder. I'm just grasping onto the ADD possibility... almost hoping that'a all it is.

Has anyone had a child who seemed "normal" until about this age and then began to lose it quickly? Is it possible it could still be just ADD?

Summertime Jitters

My kids all celebrate birthdays in summertime, so they’ll soon be 4, 7, and 10 and by the 24^th of June the kids will be home full time for 11 full weeks. I’ve opted to not enroll the boys in full time camp due to the problems I saw last year. While it’s a free camp sponsored by the town – and you can’t beat that - the kids weren’t well supervised and the staff members were young and less than wonderful. There were plenty of stories about fights, staff yelling at kids, and it seems like the kids were really encouraged to be hoodlums.

While I backed out voluntarily, I am still panicky. The last time they were home together full time it was disastrous. Granted we didn’t know that

T.

was slipping into the throes of childhood bipolar disorder and was unstable. He’s now in therapy, on medications, practicing and mastering his coping skills, and we are fully aware and accepting of our new way of living; yet as you can imagine I am still quite nervous.

T.

has a hard time keeping himself busy and it’s stressful for us to live around his unpredictable moods. While we’re so blessed that he functions well in society, the ones he loves the most are the ones he can’t stand the most – but being his family, we aren’t going anywhere. We’ve also been through two summers of hell as his behavior began a downhill slide in July and continued to worsen. He’s in a great program, great therapy and on new meds, but I still worry. He doesn’t read much, play games, or watch TV. He’s all about the sports and being outside, but there’s only so much you can do when it’s too hot or too rainy.

I’m trying to find the money to send the boys to the sports camps they really want to go to. The cost of each isn’t bad, but paying for several camps for two boys is more than we can do this year. I’ve got him in basketball camp for a week, math camp for a few hours on another week, and possibly some swimming lessons. He’ll have some homework to do all summer, and I’ll be taking them to the parks and the sprinklers on some days. I’ll be encouraging him to help with the yard work, house work and meal preps and I know T. will be playing soccer and basketball a lot in the park next door (thank God for that park!). I’m thankful he usually sleeps from 8pm until I wake him at 8am and sometimes takes naps midday when he’s home. Despite how busy this all sounds, he’ll have lulls every day where he’s bored and annoyed and I am a bundle of nerves over trying to fill his summer so we can have peace and fun. I’m literally counting the hours he’ll be kept busy each day.

While he’s doing so well now and seemingly stable (just moody and negative a lot) I worry he’ll slip back again. We’ve been through it for two years, beginning in July, hitting a high in September and November, reaching fever pitch in January and leading to hospitalization by February or April. When he slips my little boy falls inside himself and we’re left with the angry, intimidating, aggressive shell. I just don’t want to deal with yet another 6-8 months of hell. It’s quite possible we’ve found the right treatment program, and he’s matured so much he’s much more competent at using his coping skills. He may not go downhill until the fall/winter when the lack of sunlight and outdoor exercise affects him.

It’s all just guessing - I know. I’m still panicking.

From Hugging to Drugging

Just say no to moms with drugs.

I was happily blabbing away at my son this morning getting him a bagel and meds. In a few minutes he was zombified and complaining of being tired and weak and not wanting to go to his field trip. I figured he was just being a twerp until it dawned on me - spread like jam from the mommy guilt knife - this horrifying realization that icily ran over my nerves, strangled my stomach, and punched my heart. I had ASSidentally given him the nighttime med. The clonidine. You know, the third med that makes him sleep at night? Yah, that one.

I am a bad bad mother SUPER BAD mother extremely disgusting and shouldn't be allowed to live (bad) mother. Oh my poor sweetie!

I told him to lay down in the chair and he promptly fell asleep for about 45 minutes until I put his shoes and coat on and marched him out to the bus. Does that make me even worse? He's got a field trip in a few minutes. I told him what I'd done and he just looked at me, expressionless. Almost icy, but not quite. What does that mean??

And THAT is how you start off a great morning.

Manipulations

Ugghhh this kid is going to be the death of me. If you can believe it, attachment parenting is getting me in trouble. His therapistwants to talk about our "unusual attachment" issues. "Taylor's 9 now and needs to grow up a little". "I have noticed a dynamic between you two and wonder if he's just not being allowed to grow".

Normally I would tell him to go to hell, but now I have to comply because my ultra slick bipolar child was tired of hearing about what he's done wrong in our therapy session, so when I left the room he decided to finish the "I don't like it when my mom...." sentence with the answer "touches my body inappropriately".

Who do you think filled him full of 9.5 years of "my body" books? Who told him how to be safe? Who labeled his parts so he could tell an adult if something ever happened?

I can't just tell him to "grow up" and let him feel rejected as my other two get hugs and kisses and love.

I've been crying on the phone with my husband. Luckily the therapist didn't call CPS on me and was glad I called and told him my side.

It's just one of those silly, embarassing family things that no one is ever supposed to know. Like how much the wife farts in bed, or how much the husband picks his nose, or the cutsie nicknames and side jokes they have with the kids.

We call him Tiffy Wiffy (nicknamed him Tiffany and he's always LOVED it) and pinch his cheek or his butt as a joke. Instead of just saying he doesn't like it when mom is teasing him and pinches him, he dramatized it into an "inappropriate touching" thing. I'm so frustrated.

Guess we can't give wedgies anymore either. Bummer ---

T's Update and New Programs

I'm spending $100 a week on gas and thank goodness I am! This step down program at the hospital is working out very well. He's really been learning his coping skills and trying to use them at home. The therapist/caseworker is amazing and really doing so much to help us. I'm shocked by how much she's doing above and beyond what anyone else has done.

Our insurance runs out on March 7th FOR THE YEAR for

T.

's inpatient care, so they're going to help us get Medicaid just for the psych care so we won't be turned away frfom programs. I didn't know that was available since we're not eligible for Medicaid or other special programs. I think this will cover his meds too!

They've helped us secure a spot in a special program for high risk youth here in my own area. This will involve therapy for

T.

, teaching us behavioral management, and giving us a case manager to help us through the whole thing.... all here at my home! It also has a respite program where he goes bowling and what-not with other kids so we can have a break.

We had NO idea this was available to us. Our prior therapist for the past year never told us about these programs that are sponsored by the same agency she works for and thank goodness she's being replaced. We've found out now that she should have been giving him goals every week, working with us more as a family, etc..

We also have to ask for a psych evaluation from his school from special education. Though he doesn't have many problems at school, I think he may move towards them and I need the school to become more involved - the school psychologist isn't interested in being involved. He's got another thing coming.

I'm also concerned that the 7 weeks off from his regular school work will have him so far behind his classmates. That's going to be hard to recover when he's just too distracted and frustrated by homework.

So that's it in a nut shell. Now everyone think REALLY hard about my car and pray that it makes it through the next couple of weeks through all of this travel.

Gina

School Psychologist Called..

I like him - he's always neat to talk to. He just "gets it." Though he doesn't seem to want to get involved with my six-year-old as much as I would like him. A. needs some help coping until we can find a family counselor.

Anywhoo, the hospital psychologist called him and he called me before giving her the answers she wanted. He said she was surprised when he told her T. wasn't even on his radar at school.

I've told her that!

T. has only minor problems that his teacher solves easily and he carries his frustrations home only. So, should I be worried? I swear one of these days they're going to send a caseworker to hound us about what we've done to the poor boy. Ugh..

Truth is - nothing. Kids have had it far worse and been fine. His life's been SO cushy for at least 5 years. I don't spank, there's no alcoholism or drug abuse. He COULD use a mom with some more patience and less work to do, and I've been working on that and making good strides. He has food, clothes, attention and love. It's just not ever enough!