Blondecisions

Blown Out Eardrums and Aggressive Accupuncture: oh my!

The latest heartbreaking tail of woe and medical bills is in: T. (with no ear problems ever) suddenly filled with fluid and burst both eardrums within a 3-day timespan. That's right! And it HAD to be over Labor Day weekend when you get only answering services and on-call doctors and $300 ER visits. Wahooodles!

He's been home all week due to the pain. Not good for him to miss so much school! Today he goes to the doctor's office.

I just started accupuncture again finally as the fatigue was absolutely soul crushing lately. She was pretty aggressive with the accupuncture, cupping and massage. I was a little worried when I heard them playing a message from someone who said the treatment was a "little traumatic" and they were too sore to come in that day. Like WHAT did I get myself into?

I left there with these huge bags under my eyes, my face was swollen, I was dizzy and sick to my stomach. I went home and passed out for about two hours; dead to the world. Luckily hubby was home to pick up the kids! But there was immediate energy for about 24 hours after I woke up, so that was too cool. Though I'm still hurting from some of the treatment and have to go back tomorrow. Ouch! My other accupuncturist was softer, but hey, if it worked that well, I am willing to do it again to get another burst of energy. Eventually the fatigue will subside altogether too.

Baby Fever: will it win?

I'm fighting this baby fever I've had on and off for a few years and it's winning.

One moment I feel I should let the hubster get a vasectomy and be happy with what we have. We've reached a great point in our lives where we have no diaper bags, no babies. The boys are 5, 8 and 11 and we have a lot of fun going to sports games and hiking, etc...

But the next moment I want one last baby.....for reasons that are important to me and that my hubby cannot argue with. And he admits he kind of wishes we had one more. But he cannot get over thinking it would be really bad for us. I completely understand his reasoning. I just cannot seem to end it there though. So we're actually talking about this seriously now.

I think the boys would be really helpful at their ages and they love babies and toddlers. They're really good with the babies and toddlers around here. Of course adding yet another sibling when we already have a big family isn't completely ideal. We're worried about the space in the house and the busy-ness and chaos.

The hubby is worried that I will have a hard time with the pregnancy (mine are usually hard, but I'd never tried things I use now to combat fibromyalgia like acupuncture). He's also worried about our stress and his being an absent father and being a stranger to the baby. He travels every week around the US and one of the guys he works with told him he's a stranger to his 10-month-old daughter.

I want a baby I actually plan. I want a natural birth with a practitioner who respects me and whom I like. I want a long-term successful breastfeeding relationship now that I am home full time and won't be tortured by pumping (or not) at work and working on no sleep. I want to ENJOY the baby this time. Having Jack was amazing after two stressful births and childhoods for the older boys. Now that I am home full time it will be even better.

Hubby says we will go back to square one and will have to put life on hold another 5 years. He's nearly three years past the age he wanted to be when he had a last child. He wants us to move on to the next stage and enjoy life. He's worried about my health and happiness. We're both worried about money in the long term and buying a house.

We both agree we wouldn't buy a ton of unecessary stuff for the baby - I'm a pretty veteran mom at this point and know what's frivolous. We both agree a more natural birth where we're in control is better. We both agree that we would wait until the baby is born to see what it is (we don't want to know).

The hubster is really dragging his feet and not getting into the subject much. I am on a rollercoaster of emotion and keep trying to choose. I have moments of clarity and want the vasectomy but they're usually short and ouutweighed by wanting a baby. It's silly and I should just stop and enjoy what I have and move on.

Ok, I just keep repeating myself - enough already! *sigh*

Beautiful children

I must say, I have beautiful children. This has been confirmed by many. And now that my little men have gotten a California golden glow this spring, they're even more beautiful. I know I find them to be absolutely gorgeous and that's because I'm mom, but other people comment on their good looks too. This morning again, someone in a line at the coffee shop just couldn't gush over J enough. His curls, his chin, his dimples.

I'm asked if their father is handsome sometimes. I think that's because they can't believe such beautiful children came from me. JERK WADS! I was beautiful too! I was, I swear!

This is where I should post a pic, but alas, I broke my camera during the move to Cali. I dropped it in a parking lot in the midwest somewhere and it heaved it's final goodbye. So I've put in a photo from nearly 5 years ago that's one of my faves. Thank goodness Big al has new glasses that aren't so... round ;-)

I WIN'D - YOU LOSE'D

And I will leave you with a snippet of dialogue from a romp at the cable company with Jack today:

J: I WIN’D – you LOSE’D

G: You won?! I lost?! (insert mommy excitement here while still correcting him)

J: I WIN’D

G: You won?

J: WIN’D, WON’D (shrug); it’s still me. I WIN’D, WON’D. You still LOSE’D, LOSTED.

Will HER Kids Affect MY kid?

QUESTION from an AP (attachment parenting) mom:

My sisters kids curse, hit their mother, and call grown ups names. She has 4 kids ages 4
mos.2 y/o 4 y/o and a 6y/o and they are so horrible I cant be around them for more than 5 minutes. She cant even take them in the store because there so bad and cry if they dont get everything...

I dont want to raise my son around them and dont know what I should do. I dont want my little boy calling me b**** and getting kicked out of school. I'm a first time mother and single.

MY ANSWER:

Yes, peers are a BIG presence in kids’ lives, but something seems to remain true with every study – parents are the biggest factor and influence. Your sister may not encourage the kids to do this, but she may also not be correctly discouraging it.

My naughty neighbors have taught my boys quite a few things, but they have a solid foundation and understand what’s acceptable and what’s not. I do try and keep my 3 year old away from the neighbors swearing and tantruming three year old, but even Jack (my son) seems to already know what’s a swear word and what he can and can’t do.

My kids think “jerk” is a swear word because it’s forbidden in my house. Along with calling someone “stupid” and other mean terms. And when we’re in public, watching TV, or telling stories at home I constantly infuse knowledge and morals. I tell them that x, y and z wasn’t very nice and “here’s how mommy thinks you could handle this” or “here’s how they should have said that”. At 6 and 9 years old I can now ask the boys how THEY would be able to handle something better - and they have an answer most of the time!

My kids still get in their fair share of trouble, but for the most part they’re respectful and wonderful little boys! My 6-year-old likes to assert himself when I am not around, but by his reactions to others swearing at him, I know he’s not using those words. I have kept my kids pretty well sheltered for most of their lives… that is until we moved into this neighborhood in May and/or they started school *wink*.

My 9-year-old is bipolar and many families have bp kids who swear and hurt others constantly. Mine doesn’t swear. The last time his meds became ineffective was the first time he ever called me serious swear words and after he came out of the bp haze and got stabilized he was mortified at his behavior. He’s also more prone to physical violence due to the bipolar disorder, but I know in my heart that his solid upbringing (being an AP family) has prevented him from completely losing it like so many other bp kids. It's a constant struggle, but we can usually stay on top of it all.

I sheltered that child a lot and as the first child he and I spent a lot of time together, entertaining each other. Rarely any TV for the first three years, etc. I’ve never ever allowed hard wrestling or name calling, no violent video games or questionable movies, and an openness to issues little kids want to know about (until you tell them!).

In other words, even with a mental disability, he has his mom’s morals and beliefs in his subconscious and a lot of love, understanding, and communication in his pocket.  Because of this he’s more capable of “using his words” and being articulate. His therapists are enthralled that he knows what emotions are and can articulate how he’s feeling, and they feel he has a decent chance at learning and applying coping and communication skills.

So if this lifestyle can help a child with a mental illness, it can certainly help YOUR child know right from wrong! You’ll be great! Shelter him where you can, but trust the foundation you’ve built for him and never stop building that foundation! They need to hear from you about things like this a lot.

Tail Tuck - and update

Poor kitty Tucker! Does it ever end? We're struggling to catch up and ends up we'll need money for a whopping vet bill, I'm sure!

My six-year-old accidentally shut the cat's tail in the storm door this morning and it sliced him wide open to the bone. He's at the vets right now and they'll shave it, x-ray it and make the decision whether to just treat it with stitches and meds or actually take 5 inches off his tail.

Poor kitty! And poor A.!! He was scared to death because he didn't realize what was happening, daddy was yelling, the cat was screaming and scratching, and he couldn't get the door open to let his tail loose.

He cried and cried and sat on his bed. We told him it was ok, laughing and things. Poor kid-o!

Despite this big gaping wound, the cat was busy purring and chowing down like a monster on his food. He's going to be ok... our wallet isn't! But he gave me the cutest little look before we left him. He was happy and oblivious.

***UPDATE***

Tucker's home now! It was a tendon and not the bone we saw and he's been stitched up and medicated. No amputation necessary.

His tail is wrapped and he's PISSED that I won't let him outside. Wait until he hears he won't be outside for TEN days! I don't think that's going to last. One of the kids is bound to let him out somewhere along the way.

Grand total for our beloved cat (that I am allergic to): $306.00.

Yup. I really said that. Shall I take it out of A's allowance?

MY Zone; MY Obsession

I now have... a ZONE. It's my place, where no one else is allowed. I don't even let the dog or cat down there. My husband rarely goes down into the hole, and from the beginning when we moved here in May, my KIDS have not been allowed to step one foot down there. If I see an ankle peeking through the stairs, their butts are mine.

I have everything set up as I want it and the best part is, NO ONE is ever down there to move things. I know I should sort of be offended that my husband won't enter the space, but now I've grown to enjoy it. It's ALL mine. Nothing disappears, is broken, get's spilled, and no one begs me for anything from the room.

It's like my cocoon: energizing me and returning my sanity. It's my laundry room in the basement.

I laid an old 9x12 carpet down, and some carpet pieces line the dusty floor from the stairs to the laundry area. Much of the basement floor is dirt, so it's just not ideal. I have plastic totes for separating clothes like mine and my husband's, my two youngest son's, my oldest son's, my towels and sheets, and one for white.

I have a clothes line ready to go up, a drying rack and several nails on which I hang clothes with hangers. Each person has their own nail(s) to hang on and I've always used different color hangers for each individual. Like mine are black, my husbands white and green (until I can make them all one color), A is blue, T is white and J has the other primary colors.

I use some phone line or something that's stapled up there snug to hold all of our empty hangers, and I have several hampers and clothes baskets awaiting folded clothes.

The landlord's washer and dryer set that came with the place (non functioning) sit just opposite mine on the rug, and a big shelf unit sits off the side/middle for soaps and odds and ends. I have purchased a counter top ironing board which I hang near the dryer and my iron plugs in over the dryer itself. How perfect is that? The washer and dryer are brand new, and an old end table sits between the shelf and washer on the corner of the rug for holding hampers higher so I don't have to bend all of the time.

Everything is folded or hung the second it comes out, and I can now iron my husband's shirts when I have a few minutes in the evenings. I make my husband and kids carry it all to put away 90% of the time. They at least carry it and then I put it away when I am upstairs.

I find it's an escape - a retreat from mommyhood, the house, and being the wifey. I get to tell everyone laundry is important and we have so much of it that I must stay on top of it....therefore Daddy will take care of everything up here, I'm doing laundry. I am even washing towels and sheets more often just to have something to wash.

I have hampers in everyone's bedrooms and insist they're used and then emptied every 5-7 days. Interestingly, the hubby has been the one who leaves his clothes out the most, with my oldest being the runner up.

Everything in the area is hung or folded almost perfectly and I spend 20-30 minutes down there at a time; or easily an hour when ironing all hubby's clean shirts. Laundry has never looked so good or been so caught up. I am thinking about installing a hammock.

Baby on the Horizon?

I joked with my husband today about being fertile and, "do you want to make a deposit?"

He surprised me by telling me he was "getting fixed" in three years and should I want the 4th I keep talking about, I'd better make it happen by then. Ha! Pressure. I'm not ready yet -- neither are the finances and three other things I want to happen: All three must be in school full time, my husband must have had this job for at least two years without a lay off, and we must have bought a house.

The main reason this is significant is that he's been against having another baby. It's VERY hard on us with complete nightmare pregnancies. He's worried about our relationship and my body I imagine. I think 9 months of hell is worth a child.

He's also VERY concerned about bringing another baby into a stressed household with my son's issues. I worry too, yet I feel that I shouldn't let him dictate my entire life. We can't go shopping, go out to eat, make dinner, have a discussion, move, or have a baby without clearance from my 9-year-old and that makes me so sad.

I have my reasons for having ONE more; silly or not. My husband would like to quit now, but he heard me telling my mom I might try in 5 years and whoops! he must have decided he'd better take charge. three years from now is three years after the age he wanted all kids born, so apparently he's putting a time limit on it.

I'm looking forward to it and we'll see what happens.

Scary Mommy Moment

Last night after the trip to the ER with my lil guy (he's three and a half) I got home to someone blocking our road with a broken down car. I asked if they wanted help pushing it back home down the street and went to get my husband. I put my son in the livingroom and told him I would be right back. I assumed he may even just fall asleep.

I kept watch on the house as I could during the 10 minutes we were outside.

When we got home, I realized the gate outside and the front door was open and ran inside yelling for Jack. I'd say screaming for him was more like it. The dog was gone too. I yelled to my husband that Jack was gone and he then heard him crying and calling for me.

He'd walked a few feet to the corner and then down the block on the sidewalk - almost to the other corner. He's in this mode that we're "forgetting him" and he panics if I am doing laundry and don't tell him. I don't know why, as of all the kids his only memories are of being with us 100%. I doubt he remembers daycare.

Surprisingly, he was calling for me and when daddy picked him up, he asked where I was. I hadn't made it to the corner yet.

So that was VERY scary for us -- something we hope not to ever repeat.

Nanny 911 Causing my Family Counseling

I am supposed to call a family counselor to get us in .. as a family. For counseling. M'kay?

I was all for it but I am not so sure now. Somehow I think Nanny 911 is making my husband think the problems at home are all my fault. And if it is my fault, he's not supposed to know darnit!

The PROBLEM is with my 9-yr-old and with the "more than 2" family dynamic.

T is ok with me
A is ok with me
J is ok with me

T and A and me = not ok
T and J and me = not ok

My husband and I are having some troubles seeing eye to eye on some things and getting ahead of the nasty behaviors on others. My second son is now so anxious and shows naughty behaviors too. My lil guy is getting old enough, sensitive enough and articulate enough to tell me when T hurts his feelings, etc..

It's affcting the whole family. I am beside myself, my husband feels helpless, my kids are anxious... and all because of the way this bipolar disorder (?) manifests itself in my oldest. We have truly had a happy family stolen from us, and it's time to work to regain some of it.

BUT --

I KNOW my husband needs to work long hours and drive three hours a day, but right now I am home alone with a child who is very hard to like, and very hard to live with.

I am stressed.

I need to have some help here, and I told him, "If we could get another adult body in here when you have to be gone, that would solve a LOT of problems." I wouldn't be complaining when he is gone so much. I understand and support his need to be gone, but I am going batty here alone. Yet I know we can't really afford it.

HE then said that he hoped the therapy would help us with tools to cope and continue to raise the kids as well or better. That added piece pushed me away a bit. Earlier we had mentioned using therapy for my husband and I and the other two boys to become a happy, healthy family no matter what T and the disorder throws at us. But this little added extra was upsetting.

Instead of getting some kind of help at home to deal with the two "healthy" kids while the other was going off the handle, I am expected to just go to the therapist and get the tools necessary to keep my cool.

He says it's for BOTH of us. But since he's rarely home because of work, I don't see this as a "both of us" type of thing.