Blondecisions

Blown Out Eardrums and Aggressive Accupuncture: oh my!

The latest heartbreaking tail of woe and medical bills is in: T. (with no ear problems ever) suddenly filled with fluid and burst both eardrums within a 3-day timespan. That's right! And it HAD to be over Labor Day weekend when you get only answering services and on-call doctors and $300 ER visits. Wahooodles!

He's been home all week due to the pain. Not good for him to miss so much school! Today he goes to the doctor's office.

I just started accupuncture again finally as the fatigue was absolutely soul crushing lately. She was pretty aggressive with the accupuncture, cupping and massage. I was a little worried when I heard them playing a message from someone who said the treatment was a "little traumatic" and they were too sore to come in that day. Like WHAT did I get myself into?

I left there with these huge bags under my eyes, my face was swollen, I was dizzy and sick to my stomach. I went home and passed out for about two hours; dead to the world. Luckily hubby was home to pick up the kids! But there was immediate energy for about 24 hours after I woke up, so that was too cool. Though I'm still hurting from some of the treatment and have to go back tomorrow. Ouch! My other accupuncturist was softer, but hey, if it worked that well, I am willing to do it again to get another burst of energy. Eventually the fatigue will subside altogether too.

Baby Fever: will it win?

I'm fighting this baby fever I've had on and off for a few years and it's winning.

One moment I feel I should let the hubster get a vasectomy and be happy with what we have. We've reached a great point in our lives where we have no diaper bags, no babies. The boys are 5, 8 and 11 and we have a lot of fun going to sports games and hiking, etc...

But the next moment I want one last baby.....for reasons that are important to me and that my hubby cannot argue with. And he admits he kind of wishes we had one more. But he cannot get over thinking it would be really bad for us. I completely understand his reasoning. I just cannot seem to end it there though. So we're actually talking about this seriously now.

I think the boys would be really helpful at their ages and they love babies and toddlers. They're really good with the babies and toddlers around here. Of course adding yet another sibling when we already have a big family isn't completely ideal. We're worried about the space in the house and the busy-ness and chaos.

The hubby is worried that I will have a hard time with the pregnancy (mine are usually hard, but I'd never tried things I use now to combat fibromyalgia like acupuncture). He's also worried about our stress and his being an absent father and being a stranger to the baby. He travels every week around the US and one of the guys he works with told him he's a stranger to his 10-month-old daughter.

I want a baby I actually plan. I want a natural birth with a practitioner who respects me and whom I like. I want a long-term successful breastfeeding relationship now that I am home full time and won't be tortured by pumping (or not) at work and working on no sleep. I want to ENJOY the baby this time. Having Jack was amazing after two stressful births and childhoods for the older boys. Now that I am home full time it will be even better.

Hubby says we will go back to square one and will have to put life on hold another 5 years. He's nearly three years past the age he wanted to be when he had a last child. He wants us to move on to the next stage and enjoy life. He's worried about my health and happiness. We're both worried about money in the long term and buying a house.

We both agree we wouldn't buy a ton of unecessary stuff for the baby - I'm a pretty veteran mom at this point and know what's frivolous. We both agree a more natural birth where we're in control is better. We both agree that we would wait until the baby is born to see what it is (we don't want to know).

The hubster is really dragging his feet and not getting into the subject much. I am on a rollercoaster of emotion and keep trying to choose. I have moments of clarity and want the vasectomy but they're usually short and ouutweighed by wanting a baby. It's silly and I should just stop and enjoy what I have and move on.

Ok, I just keep repeating myself - enough already! *sigh*

Housewife's smack

I'm on housewife's crack. A legal stimulant, but just about as addictive and hard to kick as heroine I'm sure. Caffeine or sugar are the drugs of choice when feeling particularly sluggish, sore and unmotivated. Nothing cures the pain of fibromyalgia (or motherhood) like slamming one back in the morning.

I told my husband I am absolutely sure that sugar, while helping me become more unhealthy in the long-term, is a short term fix for anything that ails me. It's an analgesic for sure - a painkiller divine. I know caffeine helps kill headaches, but for all over pain it's sugar. Not even from chocoloate necessarily (we've all heard of the healing powers of chocolate, right?), but from the sugar or a mix of the two.

And what about when you mix sugar with caffeine? A mocha latte, a 20 ounce Mountain Dew or a caramel chocolate Freddo (iced coffee from Peet's, a local coffee shop). See? Chocolate, caffeine and sugar is a temporary cure-all.

You get a great buzz and super mom kicks in. I don't feel the pain. All I hear is a slight buzz and the beating of my tachycardic heart. I'm able to chop down unruly rose bushes, hang laundry, clean the bathroom, and float through the messy kitchen clean-up while singing and dancing to my favorite tunes in just over an hour.

But man when you come down, you come down hard. Hence the reason it's time to break for another infusion of housewife's crack.

I need a hobby

I've been hiding from my work and normal online hobbies since the move. The retail/wholesale business has drained me and is (luckily) in the process of being sold. The other biz is holding steady and improving in the nick of time.

I don't have any furniture to speak of, so I don't feel comfortable pulling out the art supplies. I haven't been in the mood to write anything more than a few posts here. I began catching up on my children's writer crit group when my laptop crashed (again).

I'm sort of floating along when it comes to "work." I'm unsure of how to continue on in this new place. I want to, but I feel like there's no inspiration. Of course I am so totally MOM and that's it, so it's not like I get any kind of reprieve or retreat to reconnect with the muse.

I did go to an Italian art festival with sidewalk artists this weekend AND went to the library (both with family in tow). I have stopped into the local bookstore since moving here and each thing makes me surge with motivation and creativity...until I go home that is. Then daily life takes over again.

Don't get me wrong - this domestic diva stuff has it's payoffs and I am pretty happy. I am very happy, in fact. But that creative piece is missing. I'm ok putting it off so long as I KNOW I will be chasing those dreams again this fall when J goes to half-day Kindergarten. ALL alone again for a few hours a day. Whoohoo!!

Hello? Hello?

First my cell phone rang and I answered it, "Hello?"

It was a recording telling me the school was closing early, just as my home phone rang with the same number. I ended both calls simultaneously knowing I didn't need to hear what I'd just read online.

But then both phones rang in my hand not a moment later, again showing the same number on their caller ID screens. Being that I am a sane, rational, mature mother says I wouldn't answer. I should just hit end so at least I don't have to hear it ring.

Instead I answered them both, one on each ear, at the same time. "Hello?"

The slight NY accent launched into, "Hello, this is the xxx school district calling. Due to the...." and I laughed hysterically. Holding both phones to my head, hearing his voice nearly perfectly simultaneously in both sides of my head. I dropped into the chair and curled up, ducking behind my legs like I was hiding a prank call. I laughed and laughed at a joke that apparently only I get.

I'm not telling my husband about this!

My Little Red Sneakers

I must tell you about my new sneakers. Can you tell it's been a while since I bought something new and lucious? I have size 12 feet so buying shoes is not an easy feat (pun intended!).

I went to Zappos.com where you get free shipping and free return shipping and bought these red Reeboks I am wearing right now. The verdict isn't in yet, but I think they're keepers! They make my feet look slim, so that right there is a bonus!

Add that to two new pairs of jeans because I have gone down a pants size makes me a very happy (but till fat) mommy!

I'll try to add a picture in a bit

Moving Musing

How crazy is all of this moving stuff?

First we thought we would rent a truck. Then maybe 2 pull behind trailers. Then just one. Now none! It’s going to cost us $325 plus tax, costs for the extra weight and wind resistance on the car, the slower speed of travel possibly costing us another hotel, and the trailer hitch installed onto the car. All told around $500-$700 for one 4x8 uHaul trailer. With the trailer we might take the risk of killing our transmission somewhere during the 4 day/3,000 mile travel. Yikes! $2,000. Also as it is, we might be forced to get two hotel rooms on each stop because 2 parents and 3 kids exceed hotels’ limits.

So last night we decided it wasn’t worth the money and the risk. We’re going to ship our stuff to California and go with just a packed Huyundai Elantra (very small, unfortunately) and Grand Caravan. If we spend less than $500 shipping, then we are saving money. Any suggestions as to which way to ship is cheapest and/or best, please let me know! (USPS, FedEx, Dahl, USPS?)

My goal is to get us down to practically nothing! I have done a ton already. We’ve Freecycled (http://www.freecycle.org) hundreds of items and have little left. We have sold or are selling a few items. Some things like all of our kitchenware is going to an adolescent home before we leave.

I’ve taken down all of my picture frames and given them away. The photos are going to be safely tucked in a box for the trip along with a few other special items I do not want to chance losing in the mail. The rest of our stuff will be shipped – what there is of it! We are lucky Media Mail by USPS is cheap compared to what it weighs so we’ll send our must have CDs, DVDs, and books that way.

I thought I would be at least somewhat heartbroken to give away so much, but I am ecstatic! It’s like a whole renovation inside and out. Freedom! I’m practically giddy. We’re just watching everything sort of take flight and we feel good about it. As a second agenda, we need to get rid of anything that leaves clutter out to collect dust. I’m allergic, 1-2 of my kids are, and we found out last fall my husband is REALLY allergic to dust and dust mites. So our new goal is to have everything in it’s place inside closed drawers and shelves. So all of my office paper stackers, living room shelves, etc are all gone.

What’s more, the house looks fabulous aside from the hot spots of piled boxes and stuff. It’s never been so decluttered. I love all the space and being able to see where floors connect to walls because furniture and STUFF are gone. I want to keep it simple in the new place too.

Interestingly we were also in the paper today. My kids got two photos in the paper, so they’re in heaven. The guy writing a story on Freecycle thought ours was a good one, so he used us as the main family in the story. Were I not a writer, I would find that more amazing, but instead it just seems like another day like any other – but hey, the kids are SO happy, it was worth it.

So after 3.5 hours of work on the house this morning, and then a 2-hour-break, I am looking around at what we still have, ready to dig in and get more done. Every time I go through a box I went through before I find more that I can part with. Christmas went from 6 huge totes down to one box. Halloween is completely gone except for a couple of particular items. The bathroom closet has never been so empty. The boys are down to essential toys only. Office supplies went from 2 medium sized boxes down to one small box. Anything that can be replaced is on its way out the door.

In all this fervor I am going to go get my hair cut again, get a new pair of sneakers, get back to Curves, and enjoy my 25 pound weight loss. I even ditched a thumb ring I’d had for something like 8 years! My husband noticed and I told him, “It’s all a part of the ongoing revitalization of Gina project.”

Gina Bina

More on yesterday's post...

I was in that dining room for at least another 5-6 hours yesterday! Pulled stuff down from my writing desk upstairs so it all gets sorted together as well as sorting through a stack of Writer’s Digest magazines to pull out markets or articles I cannot toss out. In the end, 20 magazines later, I had saved only 5 articles and a bunch of markets, so that's good! Now how to go through about 70 Entreprenuer, Inc and more???

I AM A PACK RAT! It’s literally in my genes. My grandparents and my dad are pack rats. As an example, my dad kept every electric razor he killed on a shelf. Yes, he did! He has one of those black haired, sharp beards that could rub your flesh off, so he goes through a couple of razors a year sometimes.

He must have had 20 or so when they sold the farm and packed up the house. You know I am sad I never took photos of his office space. If I could get back there soon, I will. His office is still intact for a little while and photos would be priceless!

I am hell bent on not being a pack rat anymore. I LOVE this clearing out stuff. It has really let me know what’s important and it’s SO GOOD for my mental health, space, organization and our general health. I am allergic to dust, and so is hubby, and I assume 2 of my 3 kids are. So we’re on a mission not only to move but to make life altering choices on how we keep our stuff. We won’t have anything that just sits out in the open anymore. I gave away all my office paper shelves yesterday and anything that allows stuff to stack up must go. It’s all got to go into closed cabinets that keep the dust out and are themselves easy to dust with a damp cloth.... unless it’s something I use every day. Otherwise all space must be uncluttered.

I am SO good at hoeing out other people’s stuff too. I always have been. My room as a kid was a disaster, but I would clean all my friends’ rooms. I am going to do it for my MIL in

Cali

and take photos before and after and maybe, just maybe, I will have to try to get a few local jobs doing that for others. BUT will have to get a particle mask and get used to it first because I get VERY sick if snarfing dust too much. I proved that here at home L

I need some way to pay for a housekeeper. How twisted is that??? I would be willing to clean someone else’s dust riddled home/garage to get money for someone to clean mine. That's somehow just so... wrong!

How to Move When You're a Book Junkie....

I spent 3 hours going through all the papers in my dining room today. Whew… Papers, manuals, bills, junk mail, things to file, etc etc etc ad infinitum. They’re all in piles on the table. Now I have to go through everything to file them away.....somewhere! I gave away my file cabinet.

I have 2 huge stacks of business magazines that I do not want to get rid of but must. So I am going to go thru them to find only the articles I need. Some are a few years old so I should just toss them altogether.

I also have to finish going through my writing stuff upstairs. I need to box up the books I decided to keep (we’ve sold about 400 and have at least 300 left to sell) so I can stare at the boxes for a month and then sigh and go through them again to get rid of more. It worked when I boxed up my fiction and biz books! LOL

I have so many books. I am down to only a few non-fiction and fiction books that I am trying to read before June (fat chance) but I have turned over a new leaf and am reading in bed before lights out. The rest are business, computer stuff, and writing books.

The biz books have got to go. Most of them have. I am holding onto a few. The writing books are PAINFUL to get rid of! I have some novels I am attached to because I like the writer, I have some I haven’t read about the craft of writing, some I have read and others I am using as reference.

By the time you add it all up, I must still have 100 books or more. What’s a girl to do?! I don’t want to ship them all media mail to CA, but I may have to if we run out of room in the move. My husband has the same thing happening too. Lots of books, even though he pared down.

Need good vibes!

My husband was interviewed for a new position and they said they'll have an offer on the table next week.

If this goes through hubby will work for them in NY until we're ready to move and they'll let him work in

California

!!

Plus this SHOULD come with a raise/bonus because he will be leaving their direct competition for them AND moving up into a management position. That will help us pay bills and move.

It might even mean while he'll have a HUGE travel schedule, he will work from home the rest of the week (once we get to

Cali

) which means we'll actually see him once in a while (of course other days he won't be home at all, but the boys rarely see him other than weekends now as it is).

He is fraught with guilt and nerves. He doesn't want to leave where he is during such a critical time for the company, but we're dedicated to moving to CA and this job should do that for us without so much worry. One of the big stressors has been finding a job in CA without going broke first.

We’re 3,000 miles away, so it’s not always as easy as just getting a job. But he turned this job in NY down and told them he was going to CA so the President of the company said … ok!

Send us those powerful positive thoughts and hope for the best! Going to

California

was something we wanted to do to be closer to friends and family and someday have a life again.